All Dialogue: Mission Dasey
by Stessa
Summary: The title pretty much says it all. Derek and Casey are locked in a closet, and have a funny conversation. Maybe Derek even decides to sing for her. Weird Dasey one-shot. Give it a try though, you know you wanna.


**All Dialogue: Mission Dasey**

**--ooo--**

"Hmmf!"

"Ouch, that hurt! What just happened here?"

"Casey, is that you?"

"Derek?"

"Oh yes."

"What are you doing in here? It's a closet."

"What are you doing in here?"

"I was pushed in here! Can you find the light switch?"

"Uhm, the light switch is outside, genius. You should have known that."

"Oh sure, I often lock myself into a closet… from the outside!"

"It was just a question… Shit, I think my arm's caught in something… Can you move?"

"I'm flush against the wall, could you please give me some space?"

"I'm caught, so apparently we're gonna have to stay like this. Just promise me you won't move, I don't want to get your freakishly huge nose up in my face."

"I do _not_ have a huge nose!"

"Please, it's bigger than most people's."

"What are you doing in here, again?"

"Well, I'll tell you, dear Casey, I was walking down the hallway, to get some water in the kitchen, and suddenly I am pushed into this closet only to find myself face to face with the disgusting you. Now, after this lovely explanation, what are you doing in here?"

"I was locked in her earlier… I think it was Lizzie and Edwin. What the hell are the two of them up to now?"

"I don't know, but there's gonna be hell to pay when we get out."

"Yeah, that's for sure."

"…"

"I'm gonna pretend like we didn't just agree, Derek."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Say something."

"…"

"De-_REK_!"

"…and thanks to the awesome Casey McDonald, I can now hear nothing."

"You could just have answered me, and I wouldn't have had to yell at you. You know what, Derek? You're so unbelievable. My luck is that I'm stuck in here with you, and guess what? We're going to have to wait until Mom or George miss us. That could be hours. It's the middle of the night."

"Then stand still and I'll lean against you to get some sleep."

"Hey! I need my beauty sleep."

"Just forget it Casey, it's not gonna help anyway."

"Oh, you're so funny Derek. It's hilarious."

"I think I'm funny."

"Oh please, you suck."

"Right back at ya', sister."

"_Step_sister!"

"That step is rather important."

"Yes it is, I wouldn't want to be related to you by blood. It'd be a huge disaster. At least now I can tell people I didn't want to be in your family. That we don't share the same DNA."

"…"

"Oh no, not again."

"…"

"On the other hand, the silence is better than you talking of course, but still…"

"No, I like my talking, but speaking of that DNA, could you remind those people you tell, that I'm not a nerd like you?"

"Psh, they wouldn't believe you to have good grades anyway. And I'm not a nerd. I care about my education."

"You're a grade grubber."

"May I remind you who once asked me to grub for a grade?"

"Who did?"

"One person who really needed it?"

"Yeah? I'm following you."

"We did this fine project together and everything."

"Mhm, I think I'm getting there."

"His name is Derek Venturi."

"And now you lost me."

"De-_REK_!"

"What…?"

"You're impossible. I honestly don't know how I put up with you."

"You don't. You always yell at me, 'De-_REK_' you holler, and I just know I've done something you didn't like. I honestly don't always know what it is, but I fear what's going to happen when you find me. I think 'Oh shit, what will Casey do to me? She's so strong'."

"Why are you mocking me? I could take you out."

"Oh please, I'm way stronger than you. I'm just better than you."

"No you're not. I'm better than you. I can't count all those times you've asked me for help to do something. Need I remind you? The best one was when you asked me to sing in D-Rock."

"Yeah, and you totally ruined our song."

"No, I didn't, actually I sang your crappy song, didn't I? Just because you can't sing."

"I can sing just fine, thank you."

"Then why did you ask for my help?"

"Because Sam was a lovesick puppy?"

"De-"

"-_REK_! Yeah, I finished your sentence, but that's because I know you so well. And I'll answer you, I don't know why. I just did, okay?"

"Because you can't si-ing!"

"I can so sing! Want me to prove it to you?"

"No!"

"Ah, are you sure? I have a lovely voice."

"My eyes are so wide right now of fear. I'm begging you, please don't sing."

"Ah, Casey, you're ruining it. Wait two seconds, and I'll have thought of something."

"Please, Derek, no, I-"

"_You're my honey bunch, sugar plum, Pumpy-umpy-umpkin-_"

"Derek…"

"_You're my sweetie pie, You're my cuppy cake gumdrops, Snoogums-boogums, You're the apple of my eye_…"

"Please, Derek, be quiet. I think you're ruining my hearing for eternity."

"_And I love you so, And I want you to know, That you'll always be right here, And I love to sing this song for you, Because you are so_…"

"Oh, you're so sweet Derek, I love you too, you know. You could've just told me instead of having to sing it. You don't have the voice, but I do appriciate your honesty…"

"…_dear_!"_  
_

"That was very nice, thank you. But I love the silence."

"See, I told you I sing good."

"Derek, there must be something wrong with you. I often sit in my room and wonder what it is. But even if I think and think and think, I never come up with something. I just ask myself 'What is wrong with Derek?' but it's just so hard to figure out. It's such a long list, I'll never get through it."

"And you're talking enough as it is, I wouldn't want you to strain your _amazing_ singing voice further."

"So you've finally seen the light? Thank you so much, Derek. I'm happy you like my voice. It makes a real difference."

"Oh really? Does it?"

"Mhm."

"…"

"…"

"Do you think I can lean myself against your chest now? I'm about to fall asleep. I reckon your breasts would be soft to sleep against? Do you mind?"

"In fact, yes, I do mind."

"You're impossible. For once I'm actually complimenting something about you – not that I haven't noticed your awesome chest before, but y'know – and just to… You just… You know? I really do like your breasts, can I- _ouch_, why the hell did you hit me, woman?"

"You're staring at my chest!?"

"Well, sometimes when we're having dinner, or other times during Spanish class, it doesn't really matter, all that matters is that I want to sleep, and your chest looks really inviting."

"Well first of; _ew_… And second off; is this how you pick up girls?"

"No, I just… I just ask them what they want to do. And then I use my sexy-look and charming smile, and they're putty in my hands."

"Oh please, Derek, a girl won't respond to let's have a quickie in the bathroom. You need to compliment them."

"…"

"And no! Not like you just complimented my chest. A real compliment."

"Oooh, I see."

"Mhm."

"Uuuh, something like… Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

"You're so dense Derek, you actually think we'd fall for that?"

"Emily almost did."

"You did not ask my best friend to sleep with you!"

"Haha, I'm kidding. I only ask you that, sweetheart."

"Shut up, Derek."

"You're no fun."

"Just… Keep quiet."

"…"

"Alright, I didn't mean it. It's scary in here when we don't speak."

"Could you make up your mind, Casey? This is really annoying. I think I'm gonna do something. And since I'm not allowed to sleep on your soft chest, and my arm's still stuck, I'm just gonna have to do something else."

"There's not much you can do. It's a closet."

"I can sigh. You know what, sighing is nice. I think I'm gonna sigh."

"No, Derek. You'll hit me with your germs."

"I'm gonna sigh, yes."

"No."

"Yeah, I will."

"No!"

"_Siiiiigh_."

"De-_REK_! You blew air into my mouth."

"It was a good sigh. Nice and long."

"The least you could do is apologise."

"For what?"

"For blowing all your germs into my mouth."

"But that's awesome. It's like being kissed by me. Do you have any idea what girls would do to have me plant one on them? They'd kill, Casey, _kill_! And here you are, complaining to me about some air? Is it because it's not enough? Do you want to have a real kiss? You could just have asked me you know…"

"I do not want a kiss from you, Derek. Please, who do you think I am?"

"Uhm, Casey McDonald?"

"Stop being so stupid. You just want me to say go for it so _you_ can kiss _me_! Ha! I just figured you out, Derek Venturi. You like me. You want me… _You wanna kiss me_…"

"Oh yeah, you've hit the nail, Casey."

"So I did hit the nail? That's so awesome. But just so you know, I'm not gonna let you kiss me. I mean, sure you're cute, but you're also a pain in the butt. Do you have any idea-"

"…"

"…mhm…"

"…"

"…stttffffph…"

"…"

"Ew! Did you just kiss me!?"

"Hmm-mm, I think I just did."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to? That's a really stupid question, Casey. And you call yourself smart. Normally, when people kiss other people, it's because they want to."

"Yeah, but why would you want to kiss me? That's just weird."

"No, it's not."

"Why isn't it weird?"

"Uhm, because it _isn't_?"

"Oh yeah, that was a clever answer, Derek. Real good."

"I thought it was good, yes."

"Just don't do it again, alright?"

"Why?"

"Enough with the stupid questions, okay!? Let's instead, try to figure out why Lizzie and Edwin locked us in here. I think it's very weird. I know Lizzie. She'd never do something like this to me, unless it was very important. She has got to have her reasons. I wish I knew though."

"Well, she and Edwin do things like this together. This is their preferred meeting spot, by the way. Maybe they wanted us to talk or something?"

"Talk about what?"

"How would I know?"

"Well, I don't know, maybe you have something to tell me?"

"Do you have something to tell _me_?"

"You are so annoying. You just repeat my questions. _Do_ you have something to tell me?"

"Do you think they're out there? Listening?"

"Would you quit changing the subjects?"

"Well, they could be!?"

"Schhh, be quiet then."

"…"

"…"

"…can you hear anything?"

"Mhm, I don't think they're out there. That leaves us alone then. That's nice. Very nice. I'm stuck in a closet with a horny teenage boy who wants to kiss me. That's just great."

"Why would I want to kiss you?"

"I don't know. Why would you?"

"Because I think you're beautiful. We already discussed your chest, but that's a given."

"You know Derek, you're just so… Urgh, I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with you."

"Because deep inside, you really do want me like I want you. And you're praying I'll throw caution to the wind and kiss you again because the kiss we had before was amazing, but it could also be so much better if you didn't fight it. So I'm thinking that-"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Mhm…"

"…"

"Did _you_ just kiss _me_?!"

"Yeah, I think I just did. I really needed to shut you up."

"That's not the only reason though, is it Casey? You actually like me! Did you put Lizzie and Edwin up to this, just so you could have me alone in here?"

"Did you put Lizzie and Edwin up to this?"

"No!"

"Well, I didn't either."

"Then can I kiss you now, because let me tell you – it felt really nice."

"Well, maybe you can kiss me. I guess it'd be alright. If you promise to take me out on a date though."

"Done!"

"Okay. Then come here."

"Thank you, Casey."

"Mhm…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"_Ouch_!"

"Edwin?"

"Derek?"

"Casey?"

"Lizzie?"

"MARTI!"

"Oh hey Smarti…"

"What are you all doing?"

"We could ask you the same question. Shouldn't you be in bed, sweetie?"

"Were you two kissing? You're lying on top of each other on the floor."

"Derek, could you get off of me?"

"Oh, sorry Casey."

"Why were you locked in the closet?"

"Ask Lizzie and Edwin. They're the ones who did it."

"Why did you lock Smerek and Casey in a closet together?"

"Well, I did it just to help my sister."

"And _I _did it to help my brother. We called it 'Mission Dasey'."

"'Mission Dasey'? Lizzie, what's this?"

"It's you and Derek. We just wanted you guys to get together. You always fight. But Edwin analysed everything, and we realized that you always fight because you really like each other."

"Edwin, you're so dead!"

"Sorry, Derek."

"Do you love Smerek, Casey?"

"Mhm, of course I do, Marti."

"Can you kiss him again? I wanna see!"

"Yes, can't you kiss me again?"

"Oh, come over here, stupid boy!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Liz, they don't show signs of stopping. Do you think we should leave?"

"I think that might be a good idea, Edwin."

"Yes, and we should bring Marti before she gets scarred for life."

"Hm, let's cover her eyes."

"Yeah…"

* * *

_Haha. I really had fun writing this. Of course it's a bit weird, it only being dialogue, but I think I pulled it off okay. Did I? The thing about these all dialogue stories is that the characters have to be in character so you know who's speaking so I hope I managed to do that? Was it alright?_

_And for readers of A Lot Like Love – chapter thirty one is getting closer. I just need a few more pages. I'll probably update by Friday or something. I'm sorry about the long delay, but I've been busy filming, and then I had to update my other story, and suddenly this just popped into my mind, after a lot of planning. I'm sick right now, but I decided to type it out._

_Please leave me a review. I'd love to hear your opinions. _

_**Disclaimer; **__I don't own Life With Derek or the Cuppycake song. _


End file.
